a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want her autograph on my taint
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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