Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
