So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
