Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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