they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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