maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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