your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
