You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
