He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
