I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
