What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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