He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
