everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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