Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
