I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
