In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
