That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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