i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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