You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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