Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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