Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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