I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
