Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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