how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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