My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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