i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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