I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
