I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
