can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
