If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
