dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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