Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
