Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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