just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
