brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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