Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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