A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
