Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
