I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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