I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
