i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
