Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I need a burrito and a hug.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
