Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
