I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
