Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
