he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
