I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
