my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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