Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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