he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
