I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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