remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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