You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The Olympian is in my bed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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