i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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