Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
