and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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